Beth and Traci Share the Floor
Since our saucy new Convergence friend Tiffany Flaming wrote such an articulate summary on her blog echoing many of our thoughts on certain aspects of the event, Traci and I thought we’d just post what she wrote (with Tiffany’s permission).
Tiffany wrote:
Last weekend I was in Portland, OR, for the Women’s Convergence meeting and I’ve been processing my thoughts about the event since. I’m still not sure that I’m done with that, but here are my thoughts so far:
1. First, let me begin by saying that I met some freaking awesome women. Beth and Traci made it all worth it. I loved Angie from The Bridge. I didn’t get her e-mail, so if any of you have her info, please send it on. Thanks. There was definitely a desire to worship and serve God, and there was an emphasis on actively showing the love of God by serving the poor and marginalized.
2. It was very generationally diverse, but not at all ethnically diverse. That surprised me, given that Oregon isn’t exactly a haven of white power. I was really grateful, however, for the perspectives of the older women there and to see how they resonated with what could be considered a “younger” model of ministry and worship. Many times, the ethnically diverse groups are of the same generation - hopefully some day we can find a way to achieve both. The one African-American woman there, Donna (need her e-mail too) commented on the various shades of white, which was pretty funny.
3. For me - and this is only for me - there is a fine line between supporting someone in their pain and assisting someone in marinating in their pain. At some points, I feel the line was crossed. Yes, we need a safe place to express our pain and feel supported and encouraged. For me, that’s in a one-on-one relationship like spiritual direction or therapy. There were times at this event when it seemed like some of the women had been holding in all their issue for the express purpose of vomiting them out in public at this event. It made me feel sorry for them that they don’t have any sort of outlet in their regular life and I hope they took advantage of the spiritual direction sessions that were offered. Also, many of these women already knew each other and I was really the outsider, so this may very well be part of their normal gatherings.
4. I was also not into being asked to focus on rejection during communion. Actually, no - that’s not what communion is about for me. Jesus was rejected by people but that really wasn’t the purpose for his death. And, because of God’s grace, I’ve moved to a place of healing from my rejection and don’t need to keep coming back to it. I would prefer to celebrate the redemption of inequality and the supportive people (especially men) who we have in our lives rather than the idiots who try to keep us from expressing who we are.
5. I can be inspired by the life of a woman who did not grow up in a dung heap. We heard a lot of stories about women around the world who have beaten horrific odds or who are still in the midst of difficult circumstances and have survived and even triumphed.* The stories that were the best were of the women from around the world, particularly Africa, who live in a constant state of ebullient hope, regardless of circumstances. At camps, retreats, and other religious gatherings there is a phenomenon called “Top That Testimony.” Not unlike other competitive sports, it involves trying to top the levels of debauchery displayed in the previous stories to show how merciful God is as to have brought the person out of it. I am not suggesting in any way that the stories we heard were fabricated. I am suggesting that stories don’t need to contain the most extreme poverty, abuse, violence, etc., to be inspiring. Here’s the thing - if “inspiration” means “God-breathed,” and we are all the temples of the Holy Spirit, or “breath of God,” then all of our stories are inspiring, no?
*at the end of each story we were asked to place a bead on a piece of wire and make a bracelet that would remind us of the women. Whatever. My kingdom for a women’s even that doesn’t have you make anything.
Comment by: Josh
1 03/6/08 4:30 PM | Comment Link |From the sounds of this, it appears to have been a very negative experience for you, Tiffany. However, I’ve talked to several women who attended this event and I know that many felt it to be very positive. The great thing about a website like church-rater is that it provides a forum for balance and perspective. Are there any women who attended Convergence who would add something more or different to this conversation?
I can certainly understand your concern about ethnic diversity. As a Christian Community Developer, I struggle with this issue of racial inclusivity alot. I think it’s unfortunate that the “emerging” movement is a fairly white, educated movement still. I hope it will change soon.
As for the issue of of co-dependency in a group setting that you raised earlier. I wonder if the organizers of Convergence intended for it to come off that way or if it just did? Did you get any sense of boundaries that were set that may have helped shape the times of story telling? Also, what sort of advice would you give to the organizers to do so next year - providing the space for story telling, but the structure for optimism?
In another post on your blog, Tiffany, you mention that some of the stories that you heard were very moving and affected by the power of holding a story with others in community. I would love to hear more from you about that aspect, which appears to have been a very positive part of the experience for you.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience at Convergence. I hope other women will use this as a venue to do the same.
Comment by: Helen
2 03/6/08 6:02 PM | Comment Link |Tiffany, although I wasn’t at Convergence a lot of your points resonate with me based on my general experiences with groups of women.
I’m not a ‘crafts’ person - I prefer not making things. Also I would rather chat about fun things than have the ‘therapy’ sessions. And like I mentioned on your blog, I prefer hearing the stories of people I’m with rather than stories of people far away.
Josh, for what it’s worth, I didn’t get the impression from this post that Tiffany had a ‘very negative experience’ overall. I hope other women will share their experiences of Convergence here too.
Comment by: Tiffany Flaming
3 03/6/08 10:16 PM | Comment Link |Hi Josh and Helen - thanks for your responses.
Josh - I would say that if I gave the impression that the experience was overall negative, that is erroneous. It was a mixed bag. As I said, meeting Beth and Traci was the best thing about the trip. And, yes, I truly was inspired by some of the stories, particularly those of women in other countries. The overarching theme in their lives was a sense of joy and hope despite circumstances that all the American women agreed made us feel like pansies.
My favorite stories were of two women, one in her 40s and one in her 60s who both came to themselves through a long process of discovery and calling. The 40s woman in particular had what most would call a charmed life, but there was something unsettled in her and she realized that she could actually have more and is now on a path to becoming a counselor with a goal of encouraging and empowering women. That’s the kind of story I’d like to see shared in the larger group more often.
I tried to clarify in my post that these were my issues and not necessarily the fault of the event or the organizers. I don’t typically go in for these women only events, but I’d had a modicum of success recently so I’d try to go bigger. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I can only handle so much sharing and I’d caught my limit by Saturday afternoon. I also meet regularly with a spiritual director and have many spiritually supportive friends and have been in therapy off and on for the last 10 years and am not carrying huge burdens of abuse or abandonment or anything like that and I’m thankful. I hope the women who were in attendance and are in need of those kinds of support will get it.
Hope that helps you understand my perspective a bit more. Thanks.
Comment by: pamhogeweide
4 03/7/08 2:38 AM | Comment Link |ok, i’m up really late tonight so i’ll chime in hear, but really, late night commenting from me needs to include a disclaimer: it’s not drunk n dial, but rather tired and typing, so keep that in mind… anyway…
so convergence. for me, being a portlander and knowing some of the organizers it was positive for me before i even got there. like going to a slumber party. meeting up with beth and traci was such a hoot, an unexpected surprise, and really, one of the highlights of the weekend was getting acquainted with them.
the event itself: ok, for me it was not really feely-touchy that much. when we did the break out group thing for “sharing” it felt set-up at first for deep talk time, and having done a few womens events in my time this is to be expected. but because this was not a specific community of women, but women from many different places i felt incredibly guarded to let my guts bleed. what’s the point? but i understand that lots of women need a safe place to vent some stuff, air some things, and even find some solace and release. i did not personally see any of that happen, but i’m glad to hear of any woman who felt safe and secure to bleed on the carpet. more power to her. for real.
i LOVED that we were not stuck in chairs listening to some one talk at us. this was a schmooze fest for me. connecting to all kinds of women, albeit briefly, but nonetheless, enriching. i met women who are spiritual directors and enjoyed asking them many questions about that; i got to know katherine a bit and discovered we have a dear friend in common and for sure will be hooking up again; i met some great, bawdy women from Indiana :-); i met a woman who is a hospital chaplain, and others that i’m too tired to remember right now.
for me, the takeaway was Be True to Your God Given Self, Whoever She Is.
A friend of mine left the weekend very encouraged about seeing herself as a pastor. So many women who were comfortable in pastoral roles. Hopefully the next generation of women won’t need weekends away to get tanked up that it’s ok to have boobs and be a spiritual leader…
(remember my disclaimer!)
ok, so um, yes, the inspiring stories from around the world. of course they were inspiring. traci, beth and i talked about it at lunch that afternoon. the stories were so extreme, most of us, most everyday people, won’t have these kinds of contact with people in these kinds of extreme situations. i think they are important stories to share, and i love to hear them, i would have just added other kinds of experiences, too, of regular people overcoming regular life stuff. give me a soccer mom who’s dealing with her contextual crises with a spirit of faith; or what about the retired empty nester who wonders if her life is used up, what is her story of hope and faith? it would have been more multi-faceted to have a variety of lives highlighted rather than the extreme hardcore stories.
i am a people person and i tried very deliberately to draw any woman in who i noticed was on her own. it was a very social centered event. if a shy woman came alone it could have been a tough thing. i hope everyone who took time and effort to be there connected in a meaningful way to at least one other person, even if it was simply over dinner or drinks!
one of my fave things about the weekend was the art display. i loved seeing the art that was brought and especially hearing from each artist. good stuff.
seeing women bamboo each other was hilarious. (there were bamboo plants displayed on the tables as centerpieces. towards the end of convergence women were coached to select a woman they wanted to show appreciation towards and present her with a bamboo plant.)
there was great diversity in age, and in denominations represented. as for color, well, the pacific northwest is famous for not being that diverse in color. so besides the locale keeping it very white, of course the emerging scene is hopelessly white. it is what it is. if people are bothered by it, well, then invite one of your friends of color next time you go to one of these events.
i appreciate tiffany’s round-up here. my short-term memory is messing me up - i’m sure i met you tiffany. can you help me out in placing you? were we in the same share group thing?
but traci and beth, hey, would still love to hear some of your thoughts in your own words!
all right. my comment is dangereously close to morphing into a blog of it’s own. i must go to bed. or soon i’ll be sleep-typing…maybe i already am..;-]
Comment by: Kristin
5 03/12/08 10:11 AM | Comment Link |Traci and Beth, I too want to hear about your experience at the Convergence. And I’m really curious to hear both of your insight re: what the point of it was.
In my humble opinion (and I’m being brutally honest here, so please forgive me if I offend), religious gatherings (particularly those in Western culture, where Christianity reigns supreme), are almost entirely focused on the external, God as we experience God through the five senses. Hence all the emotion, because emotion is directly connected to our human senses. How much more effective would spiritual dialogue and companionship be if we just sat still and experienced silence together for the bulk of it, if we transcended above the realm of emotion?
So I’m wondering — how much of the Convergence weekend was actually spent in communion with God and with other spiritual companions by just being quiet and being with God together? That’s something I’m truly interested in hearing about — what was the order of events like, and what was the purpose of the function?
Comment by: Helen
6 03/12/08 11:44 AM | Comment Link |Kristin, thanks for your comment. I was interested to read what you said about silence.
I respect the value that silently being with others has for you.
It wouldn’t do anything for me. If I’m with other people I’d rather take the opportunity to talk with them and get to know them. For me it would be a waste to spend time with others in silence.
(Maybe this is partly because I’m not interested in ’spending time with God’)
These days I avoid opportunities to be with other people unless I will have an opportunity to interact - because otherwise I know I will get frustrated. It wouldn’t bother me if an event gave people the option of being silently together - why not if that’s what some people want to do? But if that was the only option I probably wouldn’t want to go.
Comment by: Traci
7 03/14/08 8:50 AM | Comment Link |Yo, Kristin.
There was much music at the event, which seemed to work a heady spell on everyone. I’ll count that as communion.
Otherwise, the focus seemed to me to be getting to know other women in the movement. It was very unstructured — a lot of getting to know you, a lot of hanging together and having food. Sharing, too, as I mentioned.
A slight bit of bible study took place on the second day. There was a panel discussion at the end of the first day, but it got started late and I had a massage scheduled (there was a spa right there, after all), so I missed most of that. Seemed like a juicy part.
And there were stories, would-be inspirational stories of downtrodden women finding hope in Jesus.
Anybody else who was there care to comment? What was the draw for you? What did you find to be most useful?